


Upbeat

by spikala



Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-30
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9323711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikala/pseuds/spikala
Summary: Not everything has to be doom and gloom. A collection of drabbles, just for fun, set in the DC Animated Universe.





	1. Upbeat

### Upbeat

 

After the Thanagarian invasion of "Starcrossed", Flash tries to get Batman to look on the bright side of things.

In Wayne Manor, the Justice League was taking a much needed breather after saving the world, again. With the last of the Thanagarians gone, they finally had the chance to collapse into armchairs and partake of afternoon tea. Unfortunately, the refreshments provided by Alfred had the side-effect of rejuvenating Flash's motormouth.

Superman accepted another biscuit from the tray that Alfred was offering, and leant back into the sofa to watch the show down.

"Come on, Bats," Flash wheedled, gazing up at the stony visage. "Can't you be a bit more, you know, upbeat about the whole situation?"

Batman's glare would've dropped pigeons mid-air. "There's nothing to be upbeat about."

Flash frowned, not convinced. "We beat the bad guys, the Hawks are off the planet, we get a brand-spanking-new Watchtower, and the whole world loves us. What is there not to be upbeat about?"

"Aside for the part where I have to rebuild the front of my house?"

"Oh yeah…" Flash scratched his head, abashed, but he soon perked up again.

Superman grinned. Not even Batman at his most withering seemed to damage the speedster's cheery nature for long.

Flash zipped over where Batman was sitting, teacup in hand. "Come on," Flash wheedled. "One smile. Would it kill you?"

Batman's answer hung unspoken in the air and Flash's good-natured grin started to wilt.

"On second thought, I'll be in the Cave." Batman set aside his tea and got up to leave, but Flash zipped in front of him.

"Aww, c'mon Bats!"

"Excuse me." With a dramatic cape flourish, Batman stepped around Flash and was gone.

Superman smothered a chuckle as Flash threw himself down in an armchair in disgust. Batman's taciturn ways were never going to change; he did have a point though. Most of Earth's major cities were a mess after the Thanagarian occupation and the rebuild was going to take time.

Still, it could've been worse. A lot worse. Batman was still here for a start. So all in all, the Man of Steel considered that was a good enough reason to remain upbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to fanfictiondotnet's DarkWinter999 for beta-ing this ficlet.


	2. Jury Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash's alter-ego gets the call.

In the Watchtower, high above the Earth, the Justice League was facing an unprecedented situation.

"Jury duty? Jury duty! You've got to be kidding me!" Flash threw down the crumpled envelope in disgust. "There is no way I am doing jury duty."

Superman picked the letter off the floor and carefully smoothed away the wrinkles. "That's not very civic-minded of you," he remarked mildly. "However, in this instance I have to agree. I don't think that it would be appropriate for a member of the Justice League to be on a jury panel. That would be a serious conflict of interest."

Green Lantern chimed in, "unfortunately, explicitly stating why he can't serve isn't an option either. Flash, you can't be on a jury panel. What happens if something comes up when the court is in session? You can't just slip away."

"Okay, okay, I'll just decline then. Cite some reason or another."

"You would abandon your civic duties?" Wonder Woman demanded. "That would be subverting the very system of justice that we are sworn to uphold."

"We could create a distraction, or break something." Hawkgirl grinned suddenly, hefting her mace.

"Woah, hold up…" The speedster backed up as she started stalking towards him.

"There isn't really an alternative. Flash cannot serve on a jury panel," Batman remarked dryly. "But I think we can get him off without breaking anything."

"Exactly!" Flash nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

"For one thing, jurors are expected to be mature and level headed," Batman continued.

Flash stopped nodding as Batman's words registered. "Hey! What are you trying to say?"

"Well, how are we going to get him out of it?" Wonder Woman asked.

"Oh wait!" Flash smacked his forehead. "I forgot - I can't serve on a jury panel. Not with my job. Law enforcement can't serve."

"You work with law enforcement?" Hawkgirl demanded.

Flash realised what he had just said, his expression becoming one of dismay. "Er. Forget I said that. No sweat guys, I've got this covered." He zipped off before anyone could ask any more awkward questions about his secret identity.

The remaining members of the Justice League were left standing in a circle staring at each other. Superman was still clutching the envelope that caused all that trouble.

"Flash... works for law enforcement." Green Lantern didn't sound pleased. "That goes a _long_ way towards explaining the state of the justice department."

Hawkgirl agreed. "Frightening. Truly frightening."


	3. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash struggles with one of the more practical aspects of being a superhero.

It was a beautiful day in Central City; sunny, with a breeze winding through the skyscrapers, and a few puffy white clouds sailing serenely through the air. The peaceful scene outside belied the battle that was happening in a non-descript brick apartment complex where Flash, a.k.a. Wally West, was deeply embroiled in his weekly struggle.

There were times when being a superhero with a secret identity and a nifty costume that appeared out of an inconspicuous ring was a right pain in the butt. The hardest part of having a costume, once you'd picked out a suitably cool one, Wally decided, wasn't the upkeep.

Sure, if he wasn't trying to sew up holes, he was surreptitiously purchasing yards and yards of red and gold fabric, or sewing the darn things by hand (sewing machines were just so slow!), or he was trying to launder an armful of the things in his apartment's laundry room without being busted by one of the other residents. But no, the hardest part about having a cool superhero costume was trying to get the darn thing back into the ring.

Wally huffed as he poked and prodded the unforgiving lump of red, heat-resistant fabric, trying to compress and mold it into a lump small enough to fit into the miniature compartment. As fast as he tried to compress the material, it stubbornly resisted. He tried jumping up and down on it. Then poking it fast. Same thing. Maybe if he went just a little faster… His hands sped up until they were a blur. Then finally, he had a tiny button-sized piece of fabric sitting on the floor.

Wally sighed, dusting off his hands, and looked down at his handiwork with relief. He'd even managed to get the lightning bolts squashed flat-no easy feat.

But as he watched the red disc sitting on the wooden floorboards, it quivered, ever so slightly. Wally took a step back.

"Oh no…"

That was as far as he got. The costume, unhappy at being scrunched up, escaped, flipping open violently and catching him full around the face even as he backed up. The arms and legs whipped around him like a bola, and Wally yelped as he was flogged by his own costume.

Unbalanced, blinded, and arms windmilling, Wally sat down in a thump on the floor, dislodging the costume. "Owww," he muttered, gingerly rubbing his butt from where it had hit the unyielding floorboards. He glared at the now quiescent piece of fabric lying on the floor. "Yeah, that's right. You just stay there and do as you're told!"

In the kerfuffle, the ring—into which he was trying to cram this particular outfit—had been flung across the room. Wally zipped over to retrieve it, and added to the stack. The recalcitrant uniform was also scooped up and folded, ready for a new round of squashing. Wally looked across the carpet at the towering pile of red garments and groaned.

"There has got to be an easier way to do this," he moaned to no one in particular. "Glamorous secret identity, my ass!"


	4. Puddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Justice League get a bit mucky during their latest super-villain battle.

Standing in the rubble that used to be an intersection, Flash reflected that he was probably not going to be that popular with the ladies today. Even if he had just helped to take down a massive sewage monster that had threatened to destroy half the city, gratitude only went so far.

Filth dripped off him, puddling at his feet in an irregular blob of unappealing goop. Heated by the summer sun that was beating down on them, the smell was indescribable. Flash gingerly swiped at residual patches of brown that clung to his uniform. This one was going in the fire for sure.

The rest of the league didn't look—or smell—that much better. Batman's black ensemble was marred by streaks of brown, although he'd done the best out of them at avoiding the streams of flying sewage that Big Bad had been flinging at them. Superman and J'onn looked as though they'd lost a paintball fight despite their impressive acrobatics during the fight. As for Hawkgirl—her hair and feathers were matted down with unthinkable things. Her 'more smashing' routine had backfired just a bit during the fight. GL was trying to get the worst of it off her; he'd shaped a massive blow-dryer and was blasting her with air. It wasn't really working and she was having to concentrate just to stay upright, leaning into the wind with her wings flying out behind her. GL finally gave up and the blow-dryer disappeared back into his ring. J'onn had just density shifted, the mess dropping away as he became transparent. Wonder Woman was busy wringing out her hair, looking like a miniature version of the blob monster they'd just fought. Flash was suddenly very glad that his costume covered most of his body. Stylish _and_ functional. He grinned, preening slightly over his own cleverness.

"What on _Earth_ is there to smile about?" Hawkgirl did not sound happy. She was hefting her mace, in a way that made it seem she was very willing to share her unhappiness.

The smile disappeared from Flash's face like fat on a hot griddle, but he couldn't help commenting. "Just thinking that it's a good look for you. Very punk rock."

Hawkgirl just glared at him. She looked like she'd been dipped in mud then dragged through a hedge backwards. Her hair stood up in filth-encrusted spikes and her feathers stuck out at all angles where they'd set during GL's over-enthusiastic drying. She started stalking towards Flash, mace in hand, while GL watched with an amused smile on his face.

"Enough," Batman said. He beckoned. "Superman, a hand."

Superman wrenched a fire hydrant, sending it flying. Water fountained into the air, splashing everywhere.

"Er, are you supposed to do that?" Flash worried.

Batman's eyes narrowed. Flash backed off.

Lantern shrugged. "Beats the dry cleaning bill." He dove into the stream, the water blasting him up three stories as he whooped and yelled.

Wonder Woman followed suit, gracefully stepping into the geyser. She too went flying. "I think it went up my nose," she complained from above.

Superman smiled and turned to J'onn. "You next."

J'onn held out a restraining hand. "I am already clean."

"That's not the point. It's fun. Look," the Man of Steel pointed at GL and Wonder Woman were swooping in and out of the spray. Even Batman, who was surreptitiously rinsing the worst of the muck from his cape in one of the growing puddles, didn't look as though he was scowling as much as usual. J'onn sighed, then stepped into the column of water. After a moment, Superman joined them, managing to hit GL with a face full of spray as he emerged from the fountain. GL spluttered, then retaliated by soaking Metropolis's Finest with a jet of water from a glowing, green hose.

It was just Flash and Hawkgirl. She grinned at him. It looked eerily like the predatory grin she gave him after his earlier smart comment.

"I'm going!" Flash yelled and zipped off into the water before she got any ideas about 'helping' him.

It was a bright summer's day in the city. Quiet. Peaceful. Amidst the devastation that was formerly an intersection, there were pools of water everywhere. From miniature ponds to wet patches on the asphalt, the splashes of water started at a busted up fire hydrant and somehow managed to cover the whole block in liquid. Although the rubble, fire hydrant, and crushed cars could be chalked up a recent confrontation between the Justice League and a super-villain, city officials weren't so sure about the puddles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to Darkwinter999 for the beta work.


	5. Acidified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set just after the episode, "Wild Cards", where the Justice League were disarming a bevvy of Joker's bombs hidden around Las Vegas.

The Justice League was sweeping the streets of Las Vegas, doing one last circuit to check for any remaining surprises that Joker and his Royal Flush Gang had left behind from his brief and disastrous stint on national television. Everyone was strung tight after the close calls that they'd all just had, but relieved as the local police took the bad guys into custody. Even better was when Hawkgirl called from the Watchtower's infirmary to let them know that Lantern would be just fine.

That was when Flash collapsed.

With a cry of pain, the speedster fell. His momentum sent him into a head-over-heels tumble until a parked car brought him to a sudden halt.

Halfway across town, the Man of Steel picked up his teammate's distress. "Flash is down," he said. "I'm on my way."

It was no sooner said than done. Superman was crouching beside the Flash who was writhing in agony on the tarmac, gripping one leg with white knuckles. A dent in the car beside him testified as to how he'd ended up on the ground.

"Flash, what happened?" Superman asked, casting around for the villains who had attacked the Flash. Whoever it was, they were lying low. They couldn't hide forever though. He focused, seeing through brick and concrete. What Flash said next caught him off guard.

"Cramp!" the speedster yelped, clutching his left calf muscle with both hands.

Cramp? Superman raised an eyebrow. "You're kidding."

Flash moaned again, holding on for dear life. "Does it look like I'm kidding?" he gasped.

"Let go."

"But it hurts!"

"Let go and I can help," Superman insisted.

There was a beat then Flash unlocked his fingers from his leg. Superman was there in an instant, giving a super-fast, a _Kryptonian_ -fast massage to the errant muscles. Flash just yelled even louder and tried to bat his hands away. Superman stopped rubbing before Flash's hands accidentally hit his and he added fractures to the list of injuries Flash had sustained today.

"What?" the Man of Steel asked, annoyed. "I'm just trying to work the kinks out."

"Whatever you're doing hurts more than the cramp!" Flash retorted, his hands going back around his calf and moaning.

Superman paused. He wasn't sure what to do now. As a Kryptonian he didn't suffer from cramp.

There was a rustle as Batman swung down from the building above, landing beside Superman.

"What's wrong?" Batman asked, tucking his grappling hook back in his belt.

"Cramp, apparently," Superman said.

"Can I get a little help here?" Flash gasped. "Guys?"

Batman turned and walked away, leaving both Superman and Flash gaping at his back.

"Bats? Bats?" Flash called after the retreating cape. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry!"

Batman walked into the convenience store on the corner, ignoring Flash's pleas, which got more desperate. "I won't get iced mocha on the Watchtower console again, I promise! C'mon Bats!"

Whatever else Flash was about to confess to died unspoken as another muscle spasm grabbed his attention. Superman resorted to propping Flash up against a mailbox and trying to make him comfortable. "There, there," he said impotently. "I'm sure there'll be a paramedic free in a moment."

He was still patting Flash's back when a gloved hand shoved a jar under Flash's nose.

"Here."

Superman looked up to see Batman standing there, looking unimpressed. Flash took the proffered jar and studied it.

"Pickles?" Flash sounded as perplexed as Superman felt. Both of them stared at Batman.

"Drink it."

Flash protested. "But—"

Batman didn't waver. "Drink."

Flash yelped, dropping the jar, and grabbed at his calf muscle again.

Superman caught the glass container before it could shatter on the ground, and held it up to the light. Various sausage-shaped things floated around in a greenish liquid. He twisted the lid off, took a whiff, and recoiled. It smelt of vinegar and other unsavoury things. He held it up in front of Flash.

"Just drink it, Flash," Superman insisted. "It can't be any worse than the cramps."

Flash gave him a 'are you crazy' look, but took the jar, downing the liquid in several gulps. "Yeeercchhh!"

Superman smothered his amusement at the face Flash pulled. It wouldn't do to take pleasure in a teammate's discomfort.

The look of disgust on Flash's face melted away, leaving one of delight.

"Hey! It works!" Flash crowed.

He was on his feet in a, well, flash. He zipped off in a red blur, leaving Batman and Superman's capes ruffling in the breeze. Then he was back, a grin from ear to ear.

"Thanks Bats! Up high!" Flash held his hand up for a high-five, but Batman didn't move a muscle. Flash's smile wilted a few degrees and he quickly turned the gesture into a self-conscious wave.

"So you're fine now?" Superman asked, his brow wrinkled.

Flash nodded, jogging on the spot in exaggerated slow motion. "Good as new. Well, I'd better get moving." And like that, he was gone.

Superman turned to Batman. "That was impressive. But pickle juice?"

"High in sodium, magnesium, and other electrolytes," the dark knight explained. "Instant anti-cramp."

"I'm not sure I want to know just how you know that," Superman murmured.

"Alfred."

"Ah, the tyranny of the hired help." Superman commented.

Batman grunted as he aimed his grapple gun and fired at a ledge above them. As he was about to swing away, he looked back at the Man of Steel.

"Just be glad you've never tried his hangover cure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've no idea if Superman actually can get cramp, but I figure that as a human, Flash must suffer from some mean cramps when he overextends himself. Add to that idea the prompt, 'pickle juice', and voilà!


	6. Instant Karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During "It's Only a Dream", Doctor Destiny traps Flash in his worst nightmare - he's stuck in high gear, watching the world stand still. Even after they are back on the Watchtower, Flash is troubled so Superman gets involved.

John Dee, the self-proclaimed Doctor Destiny, had been locked away again, and everyone was safe. Rested even, with the one exception. Even the Bat couldn't go without sleep indefinitely. He was still snoring away, although Superman had since moved him from the chair to a bed.

J'onn, GL, and Hawkgirl were finishing up in the infirmary – J'onn wanted to double-check she hadn't sprained anything before he gave her the all-clear. Superman and Flash were left to set up the Watchtower for remote monitoring – everyone needed a break, but trouble never sleeps. Flash zipped off to the cafeteria for a triple mocha frappuccino, ostensibly to calm himself down. Superman shook his head, amused. Caffeine as a sedative, only the Flash would have a quirk like that.

When Flash didn't show up a few moments later, Superman went looking for him. He'd sensed that the speedster was more troubled by the incident than he was letting on, and now that Hawkgirl was safe... Well, it gave a man time to mull things over. Superman knew just how that felt.

He went into the cafeteria to find Flash was sitting at one of the tables, staring gloomily at two of his whipped cream and coffee confections. The cup in front of him was only half-empty and the other was still full. That in itself was a sign that something wasn't right.

"You look down," Superman said. May as well start with the obvious.

Flash toyed with the straw of his mocha. "Sort of."

Superman just waited. He knew that Flash would fill the silence eventually, and if not, he knew that he was more patient than the speedster.

"It's like he took everything I've ever been scared of and made it real. My nightmare almost trapped you all forever – I could've killed all of you." Flash looked uncharacteristically grim, lips pressed together tightly.

Superman didn't need J'onn's psychic ability to know that even though Flash was awake, he was still trapped by the fear and self-doubt that Dee's machinations had planted in him. "Well you didn't," he said firmly. "And beating yourself up about it isn't going to help." He grinned, inviting Flash to join in, but the other man remained glum.

"You don't know what it's like."

"Yes, I do," Superman said calmly. "In my dream, my powers went out of control one by one, until I had destroyed everything and everyone I ever cared about."

Flash wasn't about to budge, still fiddling with the straw on his drink. "It was my stupid dream that almost got us all stuck."

"And you were the one that got us out of it," Superman countered. "All by yourself. I needed J'onn to rescue me."

A small smile crossed Flash's face. "I guess I did." He slurped noisily from his cup and shot a sly glance at Superman. "So I guess you could say that I'm stronger than the Man of Steel, huh?"

Superman crossed his arms. "Don't get cocky."

There was a loud _sluurrp!_ as Flash drained the last of his frappa-mocha-thingy-cinno. Superman winced. There were times when having superhuman hearing wasn't a good thing.

"So what happened to Dee?" Flash asked.

"Batman said he got himself with a syringe full of sedative. He's catatonic, locked in a dream world. The doctors don't know if he'll ever come out of it, and if he does, well, he's added homicide to his rap sheet. He won't be getting out of jail anytime soon."

Flash pushed the empty cup to one side and made a start on the second. "Instant karma, huh?"

"Something like that."

Another _sluurrp!_ indicated the demise of the second mocha. Flash whizzed off and back, leaving the lid of the bin rattling in his wake. The cups were gone. "All done!" he announced. "Hey Supes, are we going to sit around talking all night or are we going to finish this monitor thing?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Darkwinter999 for beta'ing.


	7. Wallet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difficulties of spandex supersuits.

It was late at night when the Justice League wrapped up. They'd been staking out clubs all over Metropolis, trying to find the Injustice League who, upon being discovered, had led them a merry chase all over the city. It had taken a fair bit of time and property damage, but the Justice League had finally managed to pounce and subdue the villains.

"All right gang!" Flash exclaimed. "Up high!" He held out his hand for a high-five. No one moved.

There was a pause before Lantern, feeling sorry for Flash, obliged with a loud slap.

"So," Flash continued. "Who's up for iced mochas? It's on me."

Diana tucked a lock of hair behind one ear. "Mmm. Count me in." She turned to the others, hands on hips. "Will you be joining us?"

"I should get back to Gotham," Batman began.

"Stay," Diana said. "It'll be fun. How often do you get to come to Metropolis?"

Superman smothered a grin as the dark knight grumbled and acquiesced. He put a finger to his ear, opening up a radio link to J'onn and Hawkgirl who were making their way back from the other side of town. "We're about to go for coffee, keen to join?"

Hawkgirl demurred. "Coffee's not really my thing."

"I will be escorting the Injustice League to their cells," J'onn said.

Superman shrugged. "I guess we'll catch up with you both later then."

They filed into an all-night coffee shop, the small bell on the door clanging merrily as they entered. Flash marched up to the counter. The teenaged server was trying hard not to goggle at the appearance of five brightly-coloured superheroes in a shop where the other customers were dressed in drab greys and browns.

"Five iced mochas, my good lady!" Flash announced at the top of his voice. "Extra cream, extra sprinkles, and could you do the special wiggly art thing with the chocolate syrup?"

The teen picked her jaw off the ground and soon there were five supersized cartons of syrupy coffee confection in front of Flash. Superman frowned as a gaggle of lanky students tried to covertly take snaps of Wonder Woman's rear with their cellphones and moved to stand in their way.

"Dude!" one of them protested.

Batman was about to step up to the plate when Diana turned, hands on her hips. One raised eyebrow later and five guys were making a dash for the exit, leaving their drinks unfinished.

"That'll be thirty five dollars fifty," the server said.

"Tell me again how much Metropolis is better than Gotham," Batman grumbled.

Superman spread his hands. "What can I say? Big city prices."

Meanwhile Flash was patting himself down frantically, pulling at his suit seams in the hope of finding a pocket. All he found though was fabric. "Uh, guys? Bit of a problem."

GL sighed. "Don't tell me, you've forgotten your wallet."

Flash grinned sheepishly. "My bad. Can someone help me out?" he said as the server waited impatiently, her arm between Flash and the iced mochas.

The quartet looked blankly at each other.

"My costume's a construct of my ring. I don't think the Guardians had pockets in mind when they designed it," John said.

"Don't look at me," Wonderman said. "It was a choice between my lasso and my purse. No contest."

They all looked at Superman who shrugged. "I can fly around the world in a few minutes. There didn't seem to be much of a point in taking my wallet anywhere when I can go and get it in a few seconds."

A loud clap cut through the conversation, forestalling the Man of Steel's supersonic dash for his Metropolis apartment. At the counter, Batman had just slammed a handful of notes and coins under the server's nose. The girl was the first to recover, briskly ringing up the sale on the till and counting out the dark knight's change.

"That's four dollars change, thank you for your service," she said chirpily.

"Thanks." Batman took the coins, tucking them into a compartment on his belt, before he took his drink and slid into a tatty-looking booth. The others followed one by one.

"Let me guess," Lantern said over Flash's loud slurping noises. "Utility belt?"

Diana grinned. "And here I thought that might cut into your batarang storage capacity," she teased.

"Some of us," the dark knight said, "can't fly. Some of us have to pay for road tolls and petrol."

The slurping reached a crescendo, cutting through the conversation. Even with the aid of the straw, Flash was forced to admit he'd finished his drink. "Ahhh! Thanks, Bats!" He leaned back against the booth wall, a satisfied look on his face.

"Don't thank me yet," Batman said, settling into his seat as he prepared to take a sip of his iced mocha. "You still owe me thirty five dollars and fifty cents—plus interest."

Flash spluttered, choking on the dregs of his drink. "Interest? Interest! Whatever happened to no debt between friends?"

Batman took a long lazy pull from his straw as the other three heroes did their best to hide their mirth, grinning into their peaks of whipped cream and exchanging amused glances as, once again, the speedster had the rug yanked out from under him.

"As I said earlier," Batman said coolly, "petrol."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ficlet was spawned by a scene from "Superman/Batman: Apocalypse" movie, but I still count it as part of DCAU :) infinitekentlustDOTtumblrDOTcom/post/34096617315
> 
> Thanks to the lovely impoeia for the kick up the butt that I needed to get this chapter done.


	8. Llama Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash gets in the way of a cursed object meant for Batsy.

There had to be a point at which you were no longer surprised by the strange and peculiar, when bizarre would just be mundane. Another supervillain out to destroy the world with a cheese death ray because someone laughed at his butterfly collection? Just your average Monday crisis. A black hole about to open up in a STAR labs facility? Yawn, it's been done before, send the rookies out for some experience. Heck, there'd even been superheroes from the future that time traveled back and turned into your biggest fanboy nightmare. After a certain length of time, surely there was a limit to what one person could process. Every time J'onn J'onzz thought he'd got to that limit, the universe just pushed back.

Right now, the universe had thrown him one heck of a mental headache.

_Flash, please,_ he begged, _Stop singing!_

_But the occasion is perfect! And it's not like I'm disturbing anyone! Telepathy for the win!_

_You're disturbing **me**._

The grumpy rejoinder stopped the not-so-scarlet speedster in his tracks. _Bats? Is that you, little buddy? Where'd you go to?_

A white llama clattered loudly into the control room where J'onn was massaging his temples in vain.

_Hey J'onn!_ Flash said, stopping by J'onn's chair. _I heard Bats but I can't see him._

J'onn reached out and produced a rabbit from between Flash's shoulder blades. The bunny was scanty handful of white fluff, dark ears pointing straight up as it twitched its whiskers furiously.

_What the-! Bats, what were you doing there?_

_Looking for a way to compress both carotid arteries at the same time,_ grumbled Batman as he hung limply in J'onn's grip.

_Awww, who's a cutesy wootsy bunny wabbit,_ Flash cooed, leaning in towards the rabbit. He narrowly avoided a scratch on his nose from a hind paw. _Hey hey hey! Watch the face! I gotta take care of this baby! Who knows how long I'll have it for._

_We've been over this, Flash,_ said Batman. _This is just until Constantine gets back from Hell and can put this right. J'onn, you can put me down now._

J'onn complied, placing the rabbit on the desktop and looked at Flash. _If I get you some strawberries, will you promise not to sing llama songs, quote llama movies, or make llama jokes?_

_Done!_ Flash said.

_And promise not to try to access the Watchtower computer?_ J'onn eyed Batman sternly. Who knew that a staring contest with a rabbit was going to be part of his day today? Did rabbits even blink? It turns out however, that they could look sheepish.

_It wasn't my intention to erase entries in the database,_ said Batman. _It's these damned paws, they're just not precision instruments._

J'onn waited.

_Very well. I may need an assist though._

J'onn scooped up the rabbit as gently as he could and placed him in the crook of his arm.

_You're just grumpy that you're a cute fluffy white bunny,_ Flash retorted as J'onn lead the way towards the Watchtower's commissary, the click clack of hooves echoing in the corridors. _The Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight, vengeance of Gotham… now a lil' bun._

He had a point, J'onn thought deep in the most private recesses of his brain. An endearing fluffy animal was hardly synonymous with the stern man he knew. Then again, magic rarely made sense. Magical curses even less so. All novelty aside, he would be glad when things got back to being normal… -er.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written as a challenge to use the transformation trope as shown in Darth_Stitch's "Lone Cat and Samurai" story. For those curious as to what Flash was singing, go on youtube and google "here's a llama song".


End file.
